It’s been awhile since I did any updates – I was in Charlotte, NC on business, and I’m glad to be back. Charlotte’s a nice town, but I’m always a little tense down there now that I’ve gotten settled into a routine here. Seaking o which, it’ll be a short couple of weeks with the holidays upcoming.

I was at an exotic pet store today walking around the snake room when one of the employees enters and asks in a normal tone of voice “Woud you mind stepping out for a minute? I need to clean the cobra’s cage.” This is an albino cobra that has lived in this particluar store for several years. I’ve seen the cage – and the padlocks that keep it closed – get bigger and bigger during that time. This isn’t a question that needs asked of me twice…I’m not sure it needs asked once. All she had to do was touch the lock and I would disappear into one of the Hammy-shaped cartoon clouds.

Holiday shopping tip – when checking out at a value department store that ends in”Mart”, the lines are shortest in the garden center and the cashiers are friendlier.

I know these college rivalry jokes are older than dirt, and that any number of schools (or whatever group one wants to make fun of) can be inserted at will, but good ones still crack me up from time to time. Like this one.

A Hokie fan, a Pitt fan and a Mountaineer fan were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled rate of booze. All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they were sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said, “It’s my first wife’s birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping.” The Hokie fan was first in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while and then said, “Please tie a pillow to my back.” This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Hokie fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain when the punishment was done.

The Pitt fan was next up (he almost finished an entire fifth by himself), and after watching the scene, said “All Right! Please fix two pillows on my back.” But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again, sending the Pitt fan out crying like a little girl.

The Mountaineer fan was the last one up (he had finished off the crate), but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said, “You support the greatest team in the world, your alumni has some of the best and most loyal football fans in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!”

“Thanks, your most Royal highness,” the Mountaineer fan replies. “In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes.” “Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave,” the Sheik says with an admiring look on his face. “If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?” the Sheik asks. “Tie the Pitt fan to my back.”

Found this on a message board and it is hilarious!

The Notre Dame Prayer…

“God grant Notre Dame the serenity to change our self image as pompous arrogants, accept the lowliness of our football program as it is, and the ability to know the difference between our storied past and our bleak future” Amen.

-Anonymous Big East fan

Lovely gray day here in the University City. Must look like London.

Had a busy family weekend…I was needing the getaway from real life for a couple of days. Saturday was a relaxing trip to the Pittsburgh Zoo, which was probably the best trip I’ve ever had to an animal exhibit. It was cooler outside, probably in the upper 40s, but nice for December. Whether it was the weather or the closeness to Christmas I’m not sure, but the amount of zoo patrons was very low. This allowed us to be able to see as much as we could without having to fight the crowds. Plus, since the weather wasn’t stifling hot or frigid cold, most of the animals were out.

While I’ve been to several different zoos several different times, I must confess that the experience is always fascinating. Here I am, nearly eye to eye with any number of creatures that would eat me in one bite were there not a fence or massive sheet of glass between us. Yet I almost get the feeling we’re looking cordially like friends at each other. But that’s enough Dr. Doolittle for one day.

Sunday was a trip to Seneca Caverns in the eastern part of West Virginia. Other than a lot of driving, it was a very serene day. We spent almost an hour on the cavern tour, and it never seemed like it. The formations down under the earth are impressive, and the cavern water is clean & pure (except for the guano). I wonder how people really used the caverns, and I don’t mean by the descriptions our tour guide used. I’m trying to picture the indians and explorers of long ago, trying to squirm their way through the tiny holes and what they did for light. It was quite an experience (almost surreal) when she shut the lights off and we stood for a minute in complete & total darkness. Wild. I couldn’t even see or sense my hand moving in front of my face.

But Monday dawns a new week. Back to the real world.

It’s been awhile since I’ve been here…hadn’t realized with work and personal.

The best news of the last week was that we were able to host a Thanksgiving dinner for family and not have it suffer from Griswold-itis. We hosted both of our parental sets and my grandmother, and by all accounts everything went smoothly. The turkey was juicy, the pies were sweet, and everyone was happy. Whew!

I am now officially a family man and adult. We purchased the ultimate family item last week – a minivan. Guh! It’s a 2005 Honda Odyssey, so it’s not all that bad. It drives and corners better than many cars, and you can fold the seats down for extra cap…ah, what am I saying? I’m old! My life is ending!!

The weatherpeople keep teasing me and telling me it’s going to snow, and not one of the lying bastards on TV have been right. All we’ve seen is just a few flakes on Thanksgiving.

Man, my Mountaineers keep letting me down – lost the Backyard Brawl to PIT 16-13. Geesh! We started off fairly well, but dumb penalties kept getting us. Big East refs suck, but we should have won that game. I’ll investigate later about why I’m a fan, why I keep being a fan when they rip my heart out, and why I’ll keep being a fan without a heart! The hoops team also had a big win over the weekend at LSU.